LoveFeast Table

Last fall we took a him in.  He’s a good kid who had too many curve balls thrown his way.  He needed a break.  We hoped our home would be the break he needed.  Our kids quickly opened up their hearts and rooms to him and let him in.  Little Man calls him his brother.  Drama Boy calls him, “His brother from another mother.”

Recently he turned 18.  We helped throw a party for him.  Wanting to honor his passions without belittling him with youthful decorations, I came up with this.

Throughout last year, when we LoveBombed him and his friends at the skatepark, I collected the broken decks.  I have stacks of them under my porch.  We turned some into tables.  But, I have many more ideas in mind…now all I need is a little time.

For his party, I put a piece of chalkboard painted plywood on the center of my table.  In graffiti style, I wrote Happy 18th Birthday.  I just layered broken skateboard decks and put purple votives on top and around them.

Keeping with an urban theme, I pulled out bottle caps we had and put them around a candle.

Sometimes with tablescaping, less is more.  I wanted to show him we cared about what he cared about, without going overboard and trying too hard.  I wanted the evening to be edited and yet thoughtful.

He requested steak and shrimp.  So, we fired up the grill…

sauteed shrimp with beer and Old Bay…and enjoyed the evening with his family and friends.

Who would’ve thought we’d still be LoveBomb-ing these boys in our own home…welcoming them completely into our lives.  Happy Birthday Brother.

We know it’s Fancy Friday.  But, today we are not feeling so fancy.  Bloggers  Ever Ours and and Utterly Engaged teamed up to organize a blogger’s day of silence For Japan With Love.

Our hearts break for those people whose lives have been devastated and turned upside down.

We are standing with our fellow bloggers and asking you to send support to Japan through Shelter Box.  Send a LoveBomb to Japan.

LoveBomb=The act of preparing, serving and sharing a meal or a morsel with someone you normally wouldn’t.  This is an act that takes you outside of yourself…usually involves a little bit of courage…and rewards you in ways that are hard to express.

We have LoveBomb-ed with burgers, cupcakes and even breakfast.  But, because apples are plentiful this time of year…how about making an apple pie, galette or bread!

Think of a neighbor or a teacher…the librarian or guy at your local coffee shop who serves you your latte every morning…make a morsel.  Take it to your soon-to-be-friend.  Cut a slice for each of you.  Ask questions and listen.  Listen to their story.

Savor a LoveBomb…then come back and tell us about it!

We are on a mission to start a LoveBomb-ing revolution!  What is a LoveBomb? It is the act of preparing, serving and sharing a meal or a morsel with someone you normally wouldn’t. It could be a cookie to a local librarian, or a five course meal for teen age boys!  It could be bacon cheeseburgers for a bunch of skaters or muffins with moms who are trying to get back on their feet.

LoveBomb-ing is about stepping out of your comfort zone and coming to the Table to listen to others stories.  It doesn’t matter how old you are,  if you live in the city or the ‘burbs or if you’re a mom or a young single guy…anyone can LoveBomb!

We recently had an artist we love…(she’s Fancy Friday worthy)…Kelli Murray work up a design for LoveBomb that we can slap on stickers and T-Shirts…or on facebook!  This facebook group is for you!  We want to hear your LoveBomb stories!  If you write a post about a LoveBomb, please share it on the group wall!  But, be forewarned, we may ask you if we can post your story here, as well!

So, plan a LoveBomb for someone! Or allow life to throw you an Unexpected LoveBomb!  Share a LoveBomb with them!  Listen to their story!  Share their story on here!  Twitter #LoveBomb!!  We promise you’ll be hooked!

We headed back to Ridge.  We head up there once a month, fire up our grill, bring cases of Mountain Dew and feed the boys!  They know when we’re coming now.  They expect us.  They’ve even accepted us.  It’s wild because the first time we LoveBomb-ed, they weren’t sure if they could trust us.  We were constantly asked, “Why are you here? Why would you feed us? What’s your angle? What’s the catch?”  We answered back, “To feed you.  We thought you’d be hungry. No angle. No catch.”  We decided consistency was best.  Some LoveBombs we are an afternoon visit or a quick moment.  But, some are long lasting…relational.  With these boys we knew they were used to people not being dependable…not really wanting to be a part of their world.

One boy said, “My mom won’t even have my skater friends over for dinner.”

This LoveBomb we found a couple of stragglers would wander over and strike up a conversation.  They’d tell us what was going on in their lives.

One boy, came over and told us his 13 year old sister was pregnant.  He said his mom wanted her to have an abortion.  His sister wanted to keep the baby.  When I asked if he was okay, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t care.  I don’t even get along with her.”  It was not hard to read past the words and see this kid did care and was worried.  I don’t know if our listening made a huge difference, but maybe for a moment his weight was lightened just a bit.

Word on the street is this skate park is going to be torn down by the county.  I hope that’s not true.  These boys really have made it their home…they are family.  I watched one older boy take time to listen and encourage a younger boy.  It was beautiful to witness.

It’s about the listening, I think.

On  the outside, these boys look rough, like punks.  It’s easy to dismiss them, or be intimidated by them.  But, they are just boys…misunderstood boys.  I have four boys of my own.  They don’t all communicate well.  But, if you get them in a safe place, like their bedroom, in the car or at their skate park, they feel safe.  Safe enough to talk, to unload.  I’ve found I don’t even need to ask a lot of questions, I just need to be present, patient.  Boys need safety and time to flesh out what they are thinking.  Sometimes the thoughts come out staggered over a number of days…or sometimes rushing, spinning out like a damn has just been unleashed.  Either way, we have to be present, patient.

LoveBomb-ing these boys @Ridge never feels like a waste of my time.  In fact, it makes me appreciate time even more.

Somewhere along my carpool route, three days before Mother’s Day, the idea occurred to me.  It began as only an idea of a cupcake drop-off.  Something similar to my cookie drop in a mailbox of a friend.  Around here at LoveFeast Table we like to call it a LoveBomb.  A LoveBomb is a gift of a meal or morsel shared unexpectedly.  The concept is simple.  Who doesn’t like a little treat or even a whole meal passed their way?  It’s some unexpected goodness that lifts the spirit and brightens the day.  On a basic level food is a common denominator.   Food brings people together, side by side in ways that are so basic and so human.

My idea was to drop off some kind of treat, hopefully beautiful and festive cupcakes, to a women’s shelter that I was familiar with.  The ladies of Healing House had been on my mind since last fall when I had attended a benefit for Healing House, chaired by my friend Teena of Intentional Serenity.   These women were working hard to change their lives in a program that was intensive and challenging but with high results for those who finished it.  I knew they were the ladies who I would want to LoveBomb with my cupcake idea!

I made a phone call to Mary, who works with Healing House, to see if I was able to bring in some treats to the shelter and how many women and children there might be.  You see Healing House is the only shelter in Minneapolis that allows children to stay with their mothers.

She called me back immediately- not only could I come but, would I stay and share a meal.

And, she asked would I want to share a little of my story with the ladies.

Too be honest, I’m not sure what exactly I said.  I’m not a public speaker.  I’m a mom…from the ‘burbs.  I think I said something about, we all have mountains to climb in life.  And, that we all have a story.  And, that your story is important.  I said that your mere presence can make a difference to the person beside you.  Maybe I was out of place…a mom, from the ‘burbs, bringing cupcakes.  But, what I experienced I fully enjoyed.  I shared a lunch with some ladies…many who have children and like me are mothers.  We shared lunch.  We shared motherhood.  We shared cupcakes. Hopefully, that all fell away and we were women…sharing a moment, remembering we care about each other, even if we’re strangers and out of place.

Thankfully, along the way my friend Mela joined my adventure.

Mela was my roomie at Blissdom and one of my shopping pals at Mudd Lake.  She’s funny.  She’s deep.  She’s a gifted public speaker and talented singer.  She’s a mama of 3 and she’s walkin’ out her dream.   She also wrote the song for this touching video for Healing House.

We decorated the table centers with cupcakes and gift bags.

We brought cookies to share with the kids!

We met women who shared their stories and who can feel their hope rising.

We toured a newly remodeled beauty salon and

connected a newly opened Ulta Salon with a place where they might donate discontinued merchandise.

We discovered an amazing Cupcake Boutique!

And, along the way, we made at least one baby smile!

What was just going to be a cupcake drop-off turned it to so much more.  It’s not that I thought that delivering a cupcake was going to make me feel like I’d made a huge difference in someone’s life…or that by receiving a cupcake one’s troubles would roll away forever.  It is more simple.  More simple than that.  It was just to say I thought of you, if only for an instant.  It was a LoveBomb.  The gift to me was the unexpected connections and conversations I had with women I normally wouldn’t have crossed paths with except for one phone call that got the ball rolling and turned it into so much more.  And that was the sweet icing on the cupcake!

Where could you turn up and do the unexpected?

Last week, I was home with Little Man.  I got a call from Miss Preschool.  She was my daughter’s preschool teacher over 4 years ago.  The preschool is in a church up the street.  Miss Preschool began to tell me about a problem she was having and she didn’t know what to do.  “Kristin, there are these two young people sleeping outside the doorway to the preschool.  They were here yesterday.  The church wants me to call the police and have them arrested.  But, I just don’t feel right about it.  You came to mind.”  I asked Miss Preschool a couple of questions and gave her some suggestions, it was then I heard it in her voice.  Fear.  “This is so far out of my comfort zone.  I don’t know what to do,” she said.  I asked her, “Do you want me to come up there and help?”  I heard a sigh of relief.  “Would you?”

I quickly turned on the cast iron skillet and cooked up some eggs and ham.  I toasted a couple of English muffins and made sandwiches.  I loaded Little Man in the car.  When I got there, the couple was still asleep under their blankets.  They had a stroller loaded with all their possessions.  I went in to get Miss Preschool and drop Little Man off to play with the kids.  We went outside.  “Good morning!” I said.  “I have a hot breakfast for you!  Time to get up.”  I heard the couple mumble under their blankets, “Really?”  “Yup” I said. “But, you have to get up.”  Miss Preschool and I waited for the drowsy couple to pull themselves together.  It’s kind of weird to be so close to someone’s personal space.  I mean, how many friends have you stood over when they were waking up?

They sat up.  I introduced myself and Miss Preschool and handed them their breakfast.  We sat down on the lawn and waited.  As they started to eat, I began to ask them about their story.  *Mary said they had been on the streets for a couple of months.  She had gotten in a fight with her dad because her dad didn’t like her boyfriend *Tim.  I asked if they were looking for a place to stay…had they tried the shelters?  Tim said, “They won’t let us stay together in the shelters because we’re not married.  We don’t want to be separated.” I asked them what they needed.  “How can we help you?”  I don’t think they get asked that question very often.  They just looked at me.  Then Mary spoke up, “Can I use your bathroom?”  “Sure,” I exclaimed as I hopped to my feet.

Miss Preschool was a little concerned that the church wouldn’t be happy with me inviting her in.  I said, “I’ll take the heat for this one!”  About 15 minutes later Mary emerged from the restroom looking freshly washed and changed.  I was so glad to have a few minutes with her.  You see, I’ve been working with a friend on starting transitional housing for under aged girls who want to leave the sex industry.  I’ve been receiving training and basically just having my eyes opened to the reality of how prevalent this industry is.  I was pretty sure Mary was working the streets to help (said) boyfriend.  She denied it of course, but all the signs said other wise.  I asked her what she needed.  Again, she wasn’t sure how to answer.  “Do you need clothes? Shampoo? A clean towel?”  She slowly began to roll off a list.  I gave her my number and told her to give me some time to pull it all together.

Miss Preschool and I walked her to the door.  I let Tim and Mary know that even though I understood they needed a place to sleep, they couldn’t sleep in front of the preschool.  We said our goodbyes.

I went inside with Miss Preschool and she began to cry.  “This just breaks my heart,” she said.  “But, Kristin, you made it look so easy, so natural.”

It doesn’t take much to make someone feel special, even for a moment.  I can’t solve their problems.  They really didn’t want to change their circumstances.  But, for a moment, they received a hot meal (not peanut butter and jelly), I asked them about themselves and what they need.  For a moment, they were treated with dignity and shown a little love.  Have you ever LoveBombed someone?  Would you?

*Names have been changed.

Today is April Food Day 2010!  It’s a day where bloggers unite to bring awareness to the hunger issue here in our country and ways that people are being served through their local food banks, pantries, soup kitchens, etc…

Feeding America is the nation’s largest charitable hunger relief organization. Feeding America supports a network of 206 food banks in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico.  Their goal is to  build the support they need to feed 1 million more people each year, to significantly increase participation in federal nutrition programs, and to inspire the public to take action.

There are many statistics about hunger in our nation and about what a large community is doing to take care of the problem.  We find sometimes these numbers can be overwhelming and make an individual feel helpless.  But, we believe in action!

Some of you have followed us on our “underground” adventures.  Here at LoveFeast Table we call them LoveBombs.  We have fed skaters, workers in the sex industry and the homeless.  We believe anyone, no matter where you live, how old you are, can LoveBomb.  It doesn’t have to be a big event.

I called a good friend of mine, Terrill who has organized teams of teens for years to serve at Food Banks here in Maryland and also in New York.  I had the privilege of serving in the Bronx at the New York Food Bank with her and a team a number of years ago.  It was amazing to see the inside of a Food Bank that serves so many people!

I asked her for advice for those who would want to organize taking a group to serve at a Food Bank.

Here’s what she had to say:

“I recommend organizing a small team of 10-12 people.  At the Maryland Food Bank you have to be 16 years old to serve.  The first thing you need to do, is call the Food Bank and make an appointment to come in and serve.  Don’t just randomly show up.  There are actually a lot of people who serve and the Food Bank prefers to know who and how many are coming.  Also, ask the Food Bank to arrange a small orientation with you and your team the day you arrive.  They will spend 10-15 minutes giving you some facts about how many people they serve and who their main population is.  You will spend time sorting cans and boxes.  You’ll remove dented cans or boxes that are damaged.  They will give you clear instructions on how to sort these, so don’t be afraid you will have to do it on your own.  Also, I have found that sometimes my teams go in with an idea of how to do it better.  I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to remember you are going to serve the Food Bank.  These guys have a system that works and that they’ve been using for years.  Encourage your team to not try and do it their own way, but to come in and serve the way the Food Bank needs.

Another thing we have done before going, is to run our own food drive.  One time, we were going to serve at a Food Pantry in the afternoon.  We took our team to a local grocery store.  (We got permission beforehand.) And collected non perishables from customers.  We filled 20 bags of groceries.  So, when our team arrived at the Food Bank, they didn’t arrive empty handed.”

Terrill went on to explain that there are also many other groups you can serve.  There are food pantries, organizations, churches, mosques and soup kitchens that always need volunteers.  Some of these organizations do their own food drives and don’t depend on the larger Food Banks.  They always need volunteers.  Again, call ahead of time and see when you can best serve!  There are also food pantries for pets!

It really is easy to make a difference.  With a little investigation and planning you could put together a team of your kid’s friends, your supper club, your neighbors, and spend a few hours helping to end hunger in our country.  I encourage you, if you’ve never served this way, give it a try!  I personally like serving at the local establishments where you will meet actual people who are receiving much needed food.  Take the time to sit with one or two people.  Listen.  Ask questions.  Hear their stories.  It will put a name and face to the problem that plagues millions in our nation.  (One quick fact: In 2008, 49.1 million Americans lived in food insecure households, 32.4 million adults and 16.7 million children.)

Terrill ended our interview with this.  “One of the best quotes I’ve heard from one of my teens was this: ‘I was so nervous at first, but then I realized, this is so easy and I can do it anytime!’”

Yes we’re bloggers but more importantly we’re moms of nine kids total.  On a daily basis we feed our kids, our friend’s kids and the kid’s in the neighborhood and sometimes even those we don’t know.  As we share meals around the table with our children in our homes, it is hard at a time like this not to think about other moms, children, and families in Haiti.  We would like to push up a few extra “virtual” chairs and “serve” some love and food to those who are now in such dire need.                                    

Recently we were invited to join a group of 40 other Minnesota bloggers gathered by Missy, The Marketing Mama, for a MN Blogger Volunteer Event at Feed My Starving Children.  Feed My Starving Children is a non profit organization based in Minnesota.  FMSC ships volunteer hand-packed nutritious meals formulated for starving children and has several distribution centers currently in Haiti with currently one million meals on the ground.  Their goal is to produce an additional three million.

We would like to invite you to add some “virtual” chairs to your table and “serve” some meals to the children and families who are struggling in Haiti, by donating through this link.  Thank you, in advance, for participating in this “love feast“.

If you’ve been following us on the LoveFeast Table journey, you know we are all about bringing people to the table.  Whether people meet us at our table or we meet them at theirs.  We think it’s easy to invite guests over.  Yeah, there’s the stress of menu planning, grocery shopping and cleaning your house.  There’s also meal preparation and table~scaping, trying to capture the right mood for your guests to feel comfortable and welcomed.  It’s a bit of work and sacrifice, but, we all know, it’s well worth it!  The pay off is usually wonderful! Your guest leave with satisfied stomachs and great memories!

It’s a bit easier to respond to a dinner invitation.  Really, all you have to do is show up.  Sometimes, you stop and pick up a hostess gift to show your appreciation for all the time your hostess spent on making you a wonderful meal.  But, other than that you are given the gift of a meal!

Now, there’s a third category we have around here and that’s a LoveBomb.  What is a LoveBomb?  It’s the act of preparing, serving and or sharing a meal with people you wouldn’t normally.  A LoveBomb requires a little more.  It still calls for meal planning, shopping, preparation.  But, it also calls for you coming out of your comfort zone and taking a risk.  It’s a bit edgy, we know.  But, of all the meals I have made over my life (and I’ve made plenty both personally and with a catering company and restaurant) this one has a surprising outcome.  My husband and I have been LoveBombing around Baltimore.  It’s our city.  We love it!  We want to see people come together around the table.

We started by LoveBombing a bunch of skaters.  We actually got the name, LoveBomb from these boys.  Some of them are…let’s say, “wall-artists”.  When they “throw up” a piece of art, it’s called Bombing.  Well, we wanted to throw down some love.  We have met them at their park every month for a year.  Sometimes we fire up the grill and serve up bacon cheeseburgers (their favorite).  Or we warm up a huge pot of cider and serve it with some cookies.  Sometimes while a couple (our friends have joined in) make and serve the food, others will fill contractor bags with garbage.  Once we had a 40 yd dumpster delivered and we filled it.  You see, as we’ve met these boys in their place and served them a delicious meal, any walls that have been built, any misconception about who they are or who we are, have quickly melted away.  At first, they wanted to know what we were about.  They wanted to know, “What’s the catch?”  We would answer, “This is a LoveFeast.  We thought you’d be hungry!”  Over the year a sort of relationship with these boys has grown.  We look forward to the LoveBomb, and when we show up, we know they’ve been waiting.  It is a meal that keeps on giving.

This fall we began to go down to Brooklyn in Baltimore city.  Brooklyn is a bit of a “step child” here in Baltimore.  It’s not a pretty place, on the outside.  The crime is high.  The drugs are abundant.  Gangs are marking their territories.  We decided to LoveBomb here.  Some of the friends that joined us were nervous.  Some were excited.  We set up a table, fired up the grill and within minutes we had a crowd.  People went and got their neighbors.  One man asked if he could have a plate for a homeless guy on the corner.  Our crew came out of their shells and fell right into conversations with people.  The older kids started a football game and the younger kids started drawing with chalk.  Before we knew it, the food was gone and popsicles appeared.  We didn’t bring them…turns out the teens got inspired and walked to the corner store and bought a box for everyone to share.  I wish I could write here just how amazing a LoveBomb is…the gifts it has given me…the lessons I’ve learned.  I wish I could introduce you to my new friends so you could hear their stories!  But, really my hope is that you are inspired to LoveBomb yourself.

I know what some of you are thinking.  This is crazy!  This is too much of a leap for me!  But, let me share with you some other LoveBombing ideas.

Recently I was invited to join a few mommas for a play date at a playground.  It was crispy and windy outside.  I brewed a couple pots of coffee, threw it in my air-pot.  I put some cups, sugar and half and half (no powdered creamer here!) in a bag.  I loaded up my toddler and headed to the park.  When I pulled out the coffee, the moms I had just met, quickly filled their cups, warmed their hands and began to share their stories.  To me, that was a LoveBomb.

What if, you made boxed lunches for the teachers at your kids schools?  What if you took the time to make a delicious sandwich, bake some cookies, throw in a thank you note and LoveBombed the kid’s school?

What if you made some snicker doodles and headed to a retirement home in your community.  What if you just went in and sat with a few people who hadn’t had a visitor in a long time and shared a cookie with them?

What if you made an extra plate at dinner and invited your single neighbor to join you at the table for a home cooked meal?

What if you bought a box of popcicles and went out your front door and sat and shared them with the neighborhood kids?

You see, LoveBombing doesn’t have to be a big event.  It just requires you to take a risk.  I promise, the payoff far surpasses the risk.

Who will you LoveBomb?